i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
