I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
