oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
