make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
