He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
