Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
