I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
