giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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