im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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