Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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