Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
