Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
