I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
