I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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