I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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