i don't like sucking hair
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
