this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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