You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
