Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
