Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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