Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
