omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
