The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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