my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
