I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
is that a dick in a sweater?
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