end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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