I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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