So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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