Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
