about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
