tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
