who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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