We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
