Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
