I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
