the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
