Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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