You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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