I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
