filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Your cock deserves a montage
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
