Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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