So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Randomize
