i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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