Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
