His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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