You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
