pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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