Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
