I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
