Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
