Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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